Where Do We Go From Here?

Where do I take this blog from here?  It began as a way to communicate with family and friends, some that that live far from us, to share our family's adoption story.  Growing In The Family Way became a suprising cathartic forum for emotions, thoughts and feelings about waiting to adopt.

Now we have sweet Mica.  Our son.  Malia's brother.  Grandson.  Cousin.  Beloved.

Now we know Nichole.  Mica's birthmother.  Nichole's sisters.  Open adoption. 

We have what we had been seeking.  We are at peace in a way we haven't been before.

Now we have a multiracial family.  Before Mica, race could slide to the background for our family.  Now it's in the forefront.  We embrace this change, but are cautious about navigating it in a country where race-relations, civil rights and equity seem, some days, so incredibly broken.  Wholeness and true acceptance of differences can be so elusive.

We still live in the same home, the same city. Malia goes to the same school.  We go to our same church home. 

But we are sssoooo different than we were 13 short weeks ago.  In so many ways.

Isn't this what life is?  To be open (or sometimes go kicking and screaming) to transformation.  To embrace the change.  To enjoy this life and fully be present for all it has to offer.  Isn't it? 

But it hasn't always been this way.  Years of heartwrenchingly painful infertility.  Five babies miscarried.  Many, many long months waiting to adopt.  Wondering if it would ever happen.  Watching other families grow, while it felt that ours just experienced more pain, loss, waiting and wondering. 

Hoping.  Praying.  Crying.  Stomping.  Anger.  Joy.

I think this blog could still be useful.  I think I have more than a few things to share.  Lord knows I have a TON to learn. 

But I'm not quite sure yet if I'm prepared to share them in such a public forum.  Opening my soul to the world makes me feel naked on the street corner.  Just a tad exposed. 

These are the issues I'm grappling with and learning about:  facets of grief and joy, transracial adoption, learning to be a multiracial family, thoughts and feelings about open adoption, and working outside the home while parenting young children.  Just to name a few.

I trust I'll figure it out.  And in the meantime, we'll walk through this messy life with arms wrapped around eachother, praying for God's continued guidance through the pain and joy.  And I'll probably share my musings, when they bubble to the surface.  When I'm brave enough.

May love, joy and peace be yours.

~D

I was Born in a Small Town

Waiting.


Ready.

Unbelievably excited.  Cautious.

I'm cozied up in a beautiful B&B in small-town Illinois, eight hours from our home in Michigan, scheduled to meet at 10am tomorrow, in person, for the first time, the woman who has chosen our family to be her child's family.  She is a mom; she plans to make me a mom again.

Mindblowing.

Together we wait for her to go into labor or for her doctor to schedule a c-section.

This sure is one small town, with small-town welcome like none other.  My B&B host went to college in my hometown and has a son and daughter-in-law who adopted domestically.  She is elated.  (I find that I feed off others' excitement, as I'm simultaneously elated and protected, mentally and emotionally.)  I feel right at home here.  It reminds me of my hometown.  (BTW, these pics are not really from this B&B or this town.)

Here's what's happened so far.  And, no, we don't yet know the baby's gender.  And for those of you that are itching for details, Hello, can you say LONG blog post ALERT!  (If you don't want a TON of detail, just skim to the bottom.)

11/1/11.  Tuesday.  I heard about this adoption situation on site kinda like Facebook, dedicated to connecting home-studied families with adoption agencies.  I emailed the agency for more information, knowing the mom was due that same day.  No, she hadn't had the baby yet and wasn't matched with a family.  We knew the mom was in IL; its closeness appealing to us as we hope for an open adoption situation.  (PS.  I seriously didn't know Illinois was so BIG!)

11/2/11.  Wednesday.  Kevin and I talked about this situation and it looked great to us for many reasons.  We decided we'd cautiously move forward, just taking one step at a time. I called the agency that completed our home study (Adoption Associates Inc.), asking if they'd be willing to FAX our home study to another agency.  I got a "sure! tomorrow?" response and our case worker gave me welcome advice on some good questions to ask the agency.

11/3/11.  Thursday.  I completed and emailed the agency's preliminary application, telling them we were interested in the situation in IL.  AAI faxed over our home study early Thursday morning.  That afternoon the agency presented more (not personally identifiable) detail to me about the mom and baby.  All systems were go from our perspective, so they presented us to the mom.  The mom thought about it (us) overnight.  I surprisingly slept peacefully.

11/4/11.  Friday.  Early Friday afternoon I got a call that the mom wanted to take the next step have a phone conference.  We began that phone call 15 minutes later and talked for about a half hour with agency facilitation.  Soon thereafter the agency called to say we were an official match!  The mom had made an adoption plan for her child with our family!

Kevin and I told our colleagues, friends, and our parents. I notified Human Resources regarding FMLA, found out that my mom was willing to retire two weeks early to care for M while we were in IL, and I ran to the bank for a wire transfer.  Friday evening we freaked out.  Went our for dinner with M and went to bed early.

11/5/11. Saturday.  We dug baby clothes out of the garage attic.  We drank too much coffee.  We put the car seat in our car. We explained the situation to M.  Sent cautiously excited emails notifying friends, family and church.  We talked, planned, asked questions and prayed for the mom and baby.  We researched organic formula and bought dye free diapers (boy those have come down in price since M's birth!).

We were very pleased to find out that the mom is interested in meeting us prior to the baby's birth.  And we are overjoyed that she wants us to be involved at the hospital.  We went out for a very late dinner with friends who have adopted and listened, learned and asked a lot of questions.

11/6/11.  Sunday.  We decided that I would go to IL right away to meet Nichole.  Kevin will join me as soon as a c-section was scheduled or labor has begun.  I talked with Nichole for a bit that evening.  Nicole is articulate.  Cautious.  Very thoughtful.  Determined.  Honest.  Funny.  Tired.  She said she is nervous.  I assured her that we are too; this is a first for all of us.  We had dinner with other dear friends that have adopted and floated baby names to them, with no firm decisions made.

11/7/11.  I worked some today, getting my projects handed off to my team; preparing for (at least) six weeks of FMLA leave.  I ran three miles.  I talked with Nicole and let her know that I'm here, in the small same town as the hospital in which she will give birth.  A dear friend, Amy B., drove 2 1/2 hours from my hometown to visit me, just for the evening.  She gave me a mug that says: "Keep calm and carry on."  Praying for that, yes!  Bless you, friend!

Here is the plan so far, for those of you that are curious.  (Most points are subject to change.)

My mom is arriving on Amtrak tonight to care for M while we are both away.
I'm meeting with Nichole tomorrow morning to visit, go out for coffee or lunch.
Nichole's baby is 41 weeks along today.
We'll go to her doctor appointment on Wednesday.  If she hasn't begun active labor by Wednesday, they will schedule a C-section, but we don't know when.
Nichole has asked us to choose the baby's name.  (No spoiler here!)
If all goes as planned with Nichole beginning the legal process at 72 hours after the baby's birth, I will stay with my brother and sister-in-law in Chicago until the ICPC paperwork has been completed, which could be up to fourteen days.  Then home to MI.

More to follow soon!

Blessings to all and to all a goodnight.  

Three Matches....No Baby...Yet

This adoption process is not for the faint of heart.

Persevering through this is a marathon.  Muscles burning, expending all energy for just one more step.  The next moment almost flying through the air.  These are mountainous peaks and valleys.

Most adoptive families experience more than one match before a permanent placement and finalized adoption. We are zero for three.  "Match" describes a wide range of situations, from a mom choosing an adoptive family but never meeting, to developing a close, multi-month relationship of going to doctor visits, planning names and bonding.  We have not met any of the moms that have chosen our family in any of our three matches. 

First, we were matched September 2010 with a mom that was making an adoption plan for her one year old and her three year old.  A family member of the mom chose to adopt her children.

In June 2011 we were chosen by a mom who was using Michigan's safe delivery law to relinquish her child to protect herself and her baby from an abusive partner.  Horrifically IMHO, the hospital chose another family for this baby with no input from the mom.  Nor was she allowed to send a love letter with her child as s/he began life with his/her new family.

Two days ago we were matched with/chosen by a mom and dad in Florida whose baby is due in January.  We were asked to fly to Florida this weekend to meet with the couple. They need money now to get the mom out of homelessness. Can you say red flag? This situation, for many reasons, does not work for us. How did we say no to this baby?  How?  Simply. Heart. Wrenching. 

Should we have chosen differently?  I don't know.  Should we have said yes?  Flown half way across the US?  I have no idea.  My brain hemispheres speak different languages; One side screaming a different message than the other, peaceful, quiet side.

We will continue to wait...and live fully.  Embracing the present.  We grow stronger.

I have never felt God's presence, guidance, love, and comfort like this.  Surely God is "one crafty mother" (as Anne Lamott writes.)  Yet confusion is sneaky.  Only strong marriages can survive this, I'm sure.  Steadfast friendships help immeasurably.

Dear friends of ours, that have been waiting to adopt since last summer as well, are bringing their bundle of joy home today; they were matched two days ago.  We rejoice with them beyond word expression.  Yet as my knees slammed into the 125-year-old wood floor of our kitchen, I wept.  I wept with immeasurable joy for our dear friends; happy tears.  I wept in pain; momentarily afraid it will never happen for us.  The dichotomy of pain and joy.

I've never been more sure that our pain pales in comparison to the experience of a mother/father making an adoption plan.  Not that different pain can be measured by placement on a scale.

I have never felt as peaceful.  I'm sure that there is a baby for us.  I can't wait to fold the little soul close to my chest in a baby wrap. 

I'm praying for the mothers in all of the situations mentioned above.  I'm praying for the mom considering an adoption plan that will choose us...someday.

I'm pretty sure I might be certifiably insane.  Or I'm just your typical, special, soon-to-be adoptive mom.  Maybe wearing an Elvis costume through this marathon would help?

Learning While Waiting

To combat the challenge of waiting to adopt, I've been working on flexing my mental muscle to focus on the positive.  I do still, definitely, allow myself little pity parties too.

I'm learning to care for myself by prioritizing exercise.  Primarily through RUNNING!  Seriously, it has never felt so great.  Getting treated for asthma recently helped just a tad.  I ran five miles last night: woohoo!

I breathe deeply.  

I enjoy eating healthy foods that fuel my body.  (This is a HUGE change!)  For the first time in my 37 years I'm losing weight by caring for myself.  Not shaming, blaming, despising, hating.  Geneen Roth's work has resonated and taught me that caring for myself comes BEFORE losing weight, NOT after. 

I'm learning to exist in now.  Enjoy the moment I'm in.  Not dwelling on past moments or wishing myself into an unknown future.

I'm giving up control, over and over and over.  Anne Lamott claims the two best prayers she knows are: "Help me, help me, help me" and "Thank you, thank you, thank you." She has a friend whose morning prayer each day is "Whatever," and whose evening prayer is "Oh, well." Anne describes God as "one crafty mother."  I like this...a lot.

I'm contemplating this adoption journey.  Anticipating.  Praying for birth parents everywhere.  Learning about relinquishment.  Thinking about phrases and words that describe adoption.  Contemplating the adopted child's grief and loss.  Thinking about inefficiencies of the whole adoption system.  Hoping that we'll have open adoption(s).  Learning a lot about transracial adoption.  Praying for wisdom for all adoptive parents, including us...someday. 

I'm learning to live vibrantly, even while embracing grief.  Multiple years of infertility and three miscarriages have not only taken.  They have molded, impacted.  Added depth. 

Although not a new concept to me, I am beyond-words-thankful for loving, listening, joyful and authentic husband, friends, family and community.  The joy of embracing new friends into our lives is pretty darn amazing as well!

I'm learning who I am, and gently feeling my way to who I want to be.

I'm leaning into life.

Open heart.  Open mind.  Thankful.  Loving.  Learning.

Sometimes This Journey is Too Much for Us

I'm so thankful for the people in our church: a place where we humans share our sorrow and joy.  Pastor David has a gift for preaching, for sharing stories, for bringing us along, for providing words and deeds that are salve for our wounds.  God's comfort is shared in community.  Healing and hope result.

Today the sermon was about this earthly journey being too much for us.  From 1 Kings 19, David spoke about Elijah: "while he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, LORD,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.”  Sometimes this journey is too much for us. 

The son of a couple in our church was stillborn on July 10.  An amazing woman of faith, who has lived a full, rich, servant life recently died unexpectedly.  Sometimes this journey is too much for us. 

People hurt.  People suffer.  We stumble along this journey, experiencing its stellar joys and deep sorrows.   Sometimes this journey is too much for us.

So many children are in foster care.  Birthparents lose parental rights.  Children age out of foster care with no family of their own.  Children spent birthdays and Christmases alone.  Some children do not even have their own pair of cozy pajamas.  Sometimes this journey is too much for us. 

So many parents do not have support, money, resources to support a child, so they make an adoption plan for their flesh and blood.  They live with that relinquishment.  Sometimes this journey is too much for us. 

We have miscarriages.  We have still births.  We are matched with a child/family; the match falls through.  We wait gracefully.  We wait without any patience at all.  We wait.  And wait.  And wait.

This is an achingly beautiful, broken, blessed life.  Sometimes this journey is too much for us. 

But the story doesn't end there.  "All at once an angel touched him [Elijah] and said, “Get up and eat.” ⁶ He looked around, and there by his head was some bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again.  ⁷ The angel of the LORD came back a second time and touched him and said, “Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.” ⁸ So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God."

Thank God we live in a community that cares for and supports others.  I'm thankful for sustenance.  For bread and water on this journey.  I'm thankful for shared strength.  I'm thankful for other families waiting to adopt and for families that have already adopted.  I'm thankful for friends and family that listen, ask and care.  Together we provide comfort, hope and sustenance.  Bread and water for this journey. 

It's true.  Sometimes this journey is too much for us.  I remember that I just have to face today.  And we are not alone.

Let's Talk (AND LEARN) About It: Transracial Adoption

I met a woman at the mall kids' play area recently.  We started chatting about her grandson and little M, watching fondly as they played.  I told her that we are waiting to adopt; that we're learning a lot.  She said, in a positive voice, "I was adopted!" 

I inquired, "and how was that experience for you?"  She was shocked at that question.  I dare bet she'd never been asked.  She stared at me, speechless.  I quickly said "you don't have to share, if it's too personal."

She paused.  And started.  And stopped.  Then the floodgates opened.  "I was adopted into a white family; they thought I was white," she said.  "Look at this picture of my daughter; does she look like me?"  (I didn't say anything because I didn't want to assume anything.  But after a George Costanza moment, I later wished I'd said something about families being made in a lot of different ways and looking different.  Not that her question required a "Comback," but I often find myself wishing my brain and mouth had a closer connection.)

She went on:  "I was raised in the Netherlands Reformed Church.  The pastor told me when I was very young that I am a bastard and I am going to hell.  So I tried to be good.  But I ran away at fifteen.  My family disowned me because I married a black man."

"I didn't have any idea what my background was.  I joined the army at 18.  A woman I didn't know identified me on a form as white.  Later, a drill seargent told me that people may look on that as trying to pass for white.  So from then on I identified myself as multiracial."

"And now I have my own rainbow family.  I don't need my adoptive family."  I felt a stab of her pain via the look in her eyes.

We chatted a bit more, shook hands, exchanged names, wished eachother well and parted ways, each of us with our sweaty and exhausted kiddo.

It gives me a lot to think about.  I appreciate learning.

I'm livid with that pastor.  I'm angry at her parents for not accepting her, supporting her, preparing her.  It may demonstrate the vast change in transracial adoption in the United States in the last fifty years. 

It's a shame that her family wasn't able to help her.  That the adoption agency didn't help the family.  That she didn't even know her own race.  That she didn't have loving people, of many races/ethnicities to hold her hand, encourage her, teach her to be a multiracial person in a racist society and to love her for who she is.  Through Rhonda Roorda's work, I have learned much from adult transracial adopees.  They say that they welcome their parents boundless love, but transracial adoptees need role models at church, at school, and in their neighborhoods that look like them, take them under their wings, teach them, support them.  Love them too.

I hope to have many more such opportunities to connect, learn, open my mind. 

I'm reminded of this quote that I appreciate; I first encountered it hanging in my friend Brandy's office:

"The world in which you were born is just one model of reality.
Other cultures are not failed attempts at being you; they are unique manifestations of the human spirit." --Wade Davis

We were picked today, but...

A mother made a birth plan for her child today with our family. We almost went home with her little bebe. Even though we did not meet the mom or baby, Kevin and I had a good feeling, and still feel connected to her, even given what little we know of her story. Due to much information I do not (and should not) know, and much less information that I cannot share, I presume the babe went home with another family. Laws. Interpretation.

(Also, thank goodness there wasn't anything wrong with us. Well, nothing very seriously wrong with us, anyway. :))

I'm stunned. Stunned at the capacity for hope in this strong, thudding, human heart of mine.

I really had no idea what a roller coaster ride this would be. The ups and downs are dizzying. Terrifying. So incomprehensibly exciting.

It's kinda about us; how sad and disappointed we are. But it's mostly about them: I pray for this mother and her baby, and the new mother and father. Pray for smooth transition and abundant love. Pray that the baby will know the story of his/her powerful, protective, loving mother.

While watching little M play with dolls today saying emphatically "do not take my baby away!" I couldn't help but think of the other little one's birthmother. Did she feel like screaming that?

Suprisingly, my tears have not yet come. But I feel them in my throat. And in my heart.

Tonight, I stumbed upon hope in this Blog called "Living the Lectionary." And I love this image:

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Hope.

Future.

Thank you.

Amen.

Cognitive Dissonance

Cognitive Dissonance: an uncomfortable feeling caused by holding two contradictory ideas simultaneously

We will wait as long as it takes to grow our family through adoption. Yet, sometimes, I wonder how I can wait another minute.

I appreciate that other couples are waiting too; we are not alone. Then a new friend who is also waiting gets "the call." Alone again.

I love my life. We are so blessed. Yet have such a desire for our family to grow. Such love to give. Longing beyond words.

I experience deep joy when I find out other waiting friends have been chosen by a birth mother. I wonder why it wasn't us?

I trust; I feel it in my bones that we will have more children. Then I fear that no birth mother/father will ever choose us.

I trust. I fear.

I don't obsessively check my phone every thirty seconds for "the call." Then I realize I'm disappointed because the call was just from someone wanting to rent one of our apartments.

I embrace this waiting. I live in the moment. I enjoy the sound of the birds, my work schedule, pushing Malia on a swing, watching Kevin plant new seedlings in the garden. Then I feel chest crushing, soul numbing pain, worry and fear.

I smell the lilacs, experience pure joy in blossoming spring. I remember that last year at this time a young life was growing inside me. One that we lost much, much too early.

I longingly anticipate going to the cottage on lake Huron in June. Then I remember last year, while there, we were overjoyed to discover that we were pregnant.

What do we have yet to do but wait?

So, we wait...

What are you waiting for?

Welcome to Kevin and Deanna’s Adoption Journey

Kevin and I are thankful for a gracious, loving, supportive, community in which to raise children. We are still amazed at the generous support of family, friends, coworkers and church members when we had Malia.

We have made the commitment to grow our family through domestic adoption because there are many children here in the U.S. that need loving homes. Adoption has been on our minds for a long time, even before experiencing multiple miscarriages. We cannot wait to welcome another child (or children) into our family! We have completed our home study for domestic, open adoption and are now waiting for a birth mother to make an adoption plan for her child(ren) with our family. Of course, we will respect completely the level of openness desired by the birth/first mother (and possibly birth father) that chooses our family for her child. I invite you to peruse my previous post describing the amazing organizations with which we are working.

Every step of this adoption has a cost. Adoption costs will likely be over $30,000 and are primarily required upfront. We hope not to borrow the entire amount.
To show what we’re facing financially, below is list of the estimated costs for this adoption. (Figures from Adoption Associates International.)
Application and Home Study: $5,375
Placement Services: $15,810 to $25,810
The total will likely be between $21,185 and $31,185.

Adoption is such a huge, life-altering journey. There is no way we can do it alone and there is no way we want to do it alone. We ask that you will be a part of our story by continually keeping us in your prayers. Pray for wisdom, guidance, and foremost, patience. Pray that God will provide for all things, in His perfect timing.

We also implore you to move to action. If you feel led and if you are able, you can also be a part of the story by investing your finances to help us. Any amount you can help with is much appreciated, whether it is $5 or $500.

If you wish to pay online, please use the PayPal button below. You may also choose to securely donate from your bank account or credit card.

If you wish to send a check or money order, that works too! Please contact us for our mailing address at deannaandkevin@gmail.com . If you send a check, please memo it “Adoption Fund.”

YOU can be a part of this story. Thank you for your help. We appreciate your prayers and support!

Sincerely,
Kevin and Deanna

What We're Reading

Here are a few of the books Kevin and I are currently reading:

In Their Own Voices: Transracial Adoptees Tell Their Stories
by Rita J. Simon (Author), Rhonda M. Roorda (Author)
"This book is the story of every person who has lived in an environment in which he or she didn't quite fit.... Yet, while the stories in the book are universal, they are also deeply personal and incredibly touching. You cannot read this book without being changed." -- Lifelines

Dear Birthmother
by Kathleen Silber (Author), Phyllis Speedlin (Author)
Gently provocative, warm and convincing, this open adoption guide includes actual letters between adoptive parents and birthparents, and between the latter and the children they have.

I'm Chocolate, You're Vanilla: Raising Healthy Black and Biracial Children in a Race-Conscious World: A Guide for Parents and Teachers
by Marguerite A. Wright (Author)
"This book is useful for all parents who want their children to grow up with healthy attitudes in a world that uses race to separate human beings. . . . A worthwhile read." — Educational Leadership

With wisdom and compassion, I'm Chocolate, You're Vanilla spells out how to educate black and biracial children about race, while preserving their innate resilience and optimism--the birthright of all children.

Launching a Baby's Adoption: Practical Strategies for Parents and Professionals
by Patricia Irwin Johnston (Author)
Launching A Baby's Adoption incorporates anecdotal material solicited from adoptive parents and professionals throughout North America. Launching a Baby's Adoption fills the need of single and coupled parents seeking to adopt for information that can assist them in practical ways to bring a baby into their families and into their lives. Launching A Baby's Adoption is a valuable addition to the parenting collections of community libraries and is "must" reading for anyone seeking adoption as a means to enhancing their family life. -- Midwest Book Review

I find that the concept of open adoption is new to some people, as may be the term transracial adoption.

I love this link on Positive Adoption Language from Adoptive Families, my new, favorite webiste and magazine.

Here are some examples of Positive Adoption Language:

Fundraising? Us?

We are considering starting an adoption fundraising page. Unfortunately, adoption fees may be up to $32,000, and we hope to not borrow that entire amount.

We are NOT sales people. Nor are we marketing-inclined folks. The thought of doing door-to-door knife sales has always paralyzed me with fear.

Reasons TO fundraise online:
1. Our family and friends are spread across the globe. Maybe they can't be here, but they want to help in some way.
2. No one HAS to donate. It's simply an option.
3. We are blessed to be a part of many, generous, adoption-supporting communities of people that want to help.
4. What about interactive fundraisers? Yes, we'd like to do those too, but having Welcome to the Family parties in Grand Rapids, Ontario and Iowa, once the baby has joined our family, sounds more fun.
4. The funds are required BEFORE you bring the baby home. Yowza!
5. Adding up to $32,000 debt is A LOT of moolah!

Reasons NOT to fundraise online:
1. People might wonder why we can't afford it ourselves. (OK, who cares about the haters?)
2. Pride. (Not a valid reason. Pride=evil. :))
3. It could be taken to be very tacky. (Do you think?)
4. I don't know how to create a site with a PayPal donation link. (But I sure could figure it out!) :)

So, what do you think...

What's Up?

Adoption. WOW! Many friends and family are asking how things are going in our journey to grow our family. I have so much going through my mind; I'm breaking down and starting a blog.

We are blessed to be working with two agencies:

Greater Hopes Family Services and Adoption Associates International (AAI).

Our home study is active with Greater Hopes and we simply adore Cathy Raidna and the amazing, compassionate, open adoption organization that she has created. Our online profile is posted at Greater Hopes' site.

We are also working with Adoption Associates (AAI) , who facilitated more than 70 domestic, infant, semi-open or open adoptions in 2010. By early May our profiles should be completed for AAI and available for birth/first mothers to view.

We're praying for God to grow our family when and how he chooses!

Things People Say #1

Kevin and I are waiting for a mom to choose our family to make an adoption plan for her child. We have chosen open, domestic adoption.

We're reading, A TON, on adoption, transracial adoption, birthmothers, open adoption, and more. I love learning. I love how eye-opening, mind-blowing and transforming this is.

This last week, an otherwise educated coworker asked me: "Open adoption? What if she's a crack whore?"

My response: [Insert significant indignation here.] "The agencies we're working with have noticed that not a lot of crack whores are making birth plans for their children."

WTF?

And if a person with an addiction did choose to make a birth plan for his/her child, why would that be horrific?

Why do some people pigeonhole and villify birthmothers?

All I can say is: Please ask questions; I love to talk about this. But watch out. This may be the mother of our baby you're talking about!