I was Born in a Small Town

Waiting.


Ready.

Unbelievably excited.  Cautious.

I'm cozied up in a beautiful B&B in small-town Illinois, eight hours from our home in Michigan, scheduled to meet at 10am tomorrow, in person, for the first time, the woman who has chosen our family to be her child's family.  She is a mom; she plans to make me a mom again.

Mindblowing.

Together we wait for her to go into labor or for her doctor to schedule a c-section.

This sure is one small town, with small-town welcome like none other.  My B&B host went to college in my hometown and has a son and daughter-in-law who adopted domestically.  She is elated.  (I find that I feed off others' excitement, as I'm simultaneously elated and protected, mentally and emotionally.)  I feel right at home here.  It reminds me of my hometown.  (BTW, these pics are not really from this B&B or this town.)

Here's what's happened so far.  And, no, we don't yet know the baby's gender.  And for those of you that are itching for details, Hello, can you say LONG blog post ALERT!  (If you don't want a TON of detail, just skim to the bottom.)

11/1/11.  Tuesday.  I heard about this adoption situation on site kinda like Facebook, dedicated to connecting home-studied families with adoption agencies.  I emailed the agency for more information, knowing the mom was due that same day.  No, she hadn't had the baby yet and wasn't matched with a family.  We knew the mom was in IL; its closeness appealing to us as we hope for an open adoption situation.  (PS.  I seriously didn't know Illinois was so BIG!)

11/2/11.  Wednesday.  Kevin and I talked about this situation and it looked great to us for many reasons.  We decided we'd cautiously move forward, just taking one step at a time. I called the agency that completed our home study (Adoption Associates Inc.), asking if they'd be willing to FAX our home study to another agency.  I got a "sure! tomorrow?" response and our case worker gave me welcome advice on some good questions to ask the agency.

11/3/11.  Thursday.  I completed and emailed the agency's preliminary application, telling them we were interested in the situation in IL.  AAI faxed over our home study early Thursday morning.  That afternoon the agency presented more (not personally identifiable) detail to me about the mom and baby.  All systems were go from our perspective, so they presented us to the mom.  The mom thought about it (us) overnight.  I surprisingly slept peacefully.

11/4/11.  Friday.  Early Friday afternoon I got a call that the mom wanted to take the next step have a phone conference.  We began that phone call 15 minutes later and talked for about a half hour with agency facilitation.  Soon thereafter the agency called to say we were an official match!  The mom had made an adoption plan for her child with our family!

Kevin and I told our colleagues, friends, and our parents. I notified Human Resources regarding FMLA, found out that my mom was willing to retire two weeks early to care for M while we were in IL, and I ran to the bank for a wire transfer.  Friday evening we freaked out.  Went our for dinner with M and went to bed early.

11/5/11. Saturday.  We dug baby clothes out of the garage attic.  We drank too much coffee.  We put the car seat in our car. We explained the situation to M.  Sent cautiously excited emails notifying friends, family and church.  We talked, planned, asked questions and prayed for the mom and baby.  We researched organic formula and bought dye free diapers (boy those have come down in price since M's birth!).

We were very pleased to find out that the mom is interested in meeting us prior to the baby's birth.  And we are overjoyed that she wants us to be involved at the hospital.  We went out for a very late dinner with friends who have adopted and listened, learned and asked a lot of questions.

11/6/11.  Sunday.  We decided that I would go to IL right away to meet Nichole.  Kevin will join me as soon as a c-section was scheduled or labor has begun.  I talked with Nichole for a bit that evening.  Nicole is articulate.  Cautious.  Very thoughtful.  Determined.  Honest.  Funny.  Tired.  She said she is nervous.  I assured her that we are too; this is a first for all of us.  We had dinner with other dear friends that have adopted and floated baby names to them, with no firm decisions made.

11/7/11.  I worked some today, getting my projects handed off to my team; preparing for (at least) six weeks of FMLA leave.  I ran three miles.  I talked with Nicole and let her know that I'm here, in the small same town as the hospital in which she will give birth.  A dear friend, Amy B., drove 2 1/2 hours from my hometown to visit me, just for the evening.  She gave me a mug that says: "Keep calm and carry on."  Praying for that, yes!  Bless you, friend!

Here is the plan so far, for those of you that are curious.  (Most points are subject to change.)

My mom is arriving on Amtrak tonight to care for M while we are both away.
I'm meeting with Nichole tomorrow morning to visit, go out for coffee or lunch.
Nichole's baby is 41 weeks along today.
We'll go to her doctor appointment on Wednesday.  If she hasn't begun active labor by Wednesday, they will schedule a C-section, but we don't know when.
Nichole has asked us to choose the baby's name.  (No spoiler here!)
If all goes as planned with Nichole beginning the legal process at 72 hours after the baby's birth, I will stay with my brother and sister-in-law in Chicago until the ICPC paperwork has been completed, which could be up to fourteen days.  Then home to MI.

More to follow soon!

Blessings to all and to all a goodnight.  

Cognitive Dissonance

Cognitive Dissonance: an uncomfortable feeling caused by holding two contradictory ideas simultaneously

We will wait as long as it takes to grow our family through adoption. Yet, sometimes, I wonder how I can wait another minute.

I appreciate that other couples are waiting too; we are not alone. Then a new friend who is also waiting gets "the call." Alone again.

I love my life. We are so blessed. Yet have such a desire for our family to grow. Such love to give. Longing beyond words.

I experience deep joy when I find out other waiting friends have been chosen by a birth mother. I wonder why it wasn't us?

I trust; I feel it in my bones that we will have more children. Then I fear that no birth mother/father will ever choose us.

I trust. I fear.

I don't obsessively check my phone every thirty seconds for "the call." Then I realize I'm disappointed because the call was just from someone wanting to rent one of our apartments.

I embrace this waiting. I live in the moment. I enjoy the sound of the birds, my work schedule, pushing Malia on a swing, watching Kevin plant new seedlings in the garden. Then I feel chest crushing, soul numbing pain, worry and fear.

I smell the lilacs, experience pure joy in blossoming spring. I remember that last year at this time a young life was growing inside me. One that we lost much, much too early.

I longingly anticipate going to the cottage on lake Huron in June. Then I remember last year, while there, we were overjoyed to discover that we were pregnant.

What do we have yet to do but wait?

So, we wait...

What are you waiting for?