Where Do We Go From Here?

Where do I take this blog from here?  It began as a way to communicate with family and friends, some that that live far from us, to share our family's adoption story.  Growing In The Family Way became a suprising cathartic forum for emotions, thoughts and feelings about waiting to adopt.

Now we have sweet Mica.  Our son.  Malia's brother.  Grandson.  Cousin.  Beloved.

Now we know Nichole.  Mica's birthmother.  Nichole's sisters.  Open adoption. 

We have what we had been seeking.  We are at peace in a way we haven't been before.

Now we have a multiracial family.  Before Mica, race could slide to the background for our family.  Now it's in the forefront.  We embrace this change, but are cautious about navigating it in a country where race-relations, civil rights and equity seem, some days, so incredibly broken.  Wholeness and true acceptance of differences can be so elusive.

We still live in the same home, the same city. Malia goes to the same school.  We go to our same church home. 

But we are sssoooo different than we were 13 short weeks ago.  In so many ways.

Isn't this what life is?  To be open (or sometimes go kicking and screaming) to transformation.  To embrace the change.  To enjoy this life and fully be present for all it has to offer.  Isn't it? 

But it hasn't always been this way.  Years of heartwrenchingly painful infertility.  Five babies miscarried.  Many, many long months waiting to adopt.  Wondering if it would ever happen.  Watching other families grow, while it felt that ours just experienced more pain, loss, waiting and wondering. 

Hoping.  Praying.  Crying.  Stomping.  Anger.  Joy.

I think this blog could still be useful.  I think I have more than a few things to share.  Lord knows I have a TON to learn. 

But I'm not quite sure yet if I'm prepared to share them in such a public forum.  Opening my soul to the world makes me feel naked on the street corner.  Just a tad exposed. 

These are the issues I'm grappling with and learning about:  facets of grief and joy, transracial adoption, learning to be a multiracial family, thoughts and feelings about open adoption, and working outside the home while parenting young children.  Just to name a few.

I trust I'll figure it out.  And in the meantime, we'll walk through this messy life with arms wrapped around eachother, praying for God's continued guidance through the pain and joy.  And I'll probably share my musings, when they bubble to the surface.  When I'm brave enough.

May love, joy and peace be yours.

~D

Home Sweet Home

We're HOME!  We're HOME!  We're HOME!

We received word late on Tuesday that we could come home.  We've spent splendid moments together, as a family. 

We are beyond blessed. 

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Here's Mica sleeping in his OWN BED!  Isn't he sweet?

The first night at home, I couldn't sleep.  Tears rolled down my cheeks (and into my ears; I was on my back).  My joy was so palpable.  Firework-light-up-the-whole-world's-sky-joy.

Love Song

Welcome to my random-thoughts blog post.

When I struggle
I remember what I love,
what motivates me,
feeds my spirit and
keeps me keepin' on.


Music is a salve, a balm and a connector, motivator and spirit-lifter.
Sara Bareilles - Love Song



I've been away from home for four weeks. Thats 28 days. 17 of those away from Malia. 24 of those days I've been with Mica! Eight of those days with Kevin.  We hope that Mica and I can go home sometime this week.  Clock ticks slowly.




Sandy hawks perched on telephone poles,
brown harvested corn fields,
frolicking calves journeying home through fields and
laundromats
comfort me.
(Yes, that is Mica helping me with laundry.)





I love how technology connects us, even while distance separates us.

I'm thankful for welcoming churches and inspired pastors. Grace Chicago has been an important, comforting landmark in this journey.

I'm thankful God transcends space. We humans are so impacted by space, those we are close to and far away from. Environmental space impacts mood. Warm, yellow sun rays stream brightly through window panes on balmy December days.


Museums are a God-send.  Packed full of information, animals, fish, stories, data. Wearing Mica in a sling as he quietly, happily grunts with each step I take.
T-Rex skeleton,
Sudanese culture made real,
Egyptian tomb with heiroglyphics,
thousands of North American birds
Woodpeckers
Herons
awkward seahorses,
sleek dolphin skin;
all endlessly fascinating.
Help to occupy my mind and distract me from longingly, aching for Malia's chirping questions, bright eyes, silly sideways glances and endless laughter.  Distracting me from longing for a dear friend's embrace, for Kevin's listening ear and comforting presence.
(Yes, that's Mica peacefully sleeping as I meet Sue the T-Rex.)


Grocery stores,
neatly organized aisles,
crisp displays,
exotic and mouth watering tapenades,
bright fruits and crunchy vegetables,
velvety chocolates,
yeasty bread and
creamy hummous
all bring a simple order to a unfettered existence.



Family and friends provide community. I was painfully reminded four short weeks ago that not everyone is blessed with this community: authentic, kind, supportive, joyful, listening.
Faithful.
Thank you God for unbelievably good people that make me want to be a better person,
tread more carefully on this planet,
support those in need,
show compassion, joy, love
and make me thankful to be raising children in this world.

Peace.
Hope to see ya'll soon!

Upside Down

Things are a little Upside Down, and we are doing really well!  

Nichole, Mica's birth mother, signed a Designated Surrender of parental rights on Monday.  (Designated meaning she named Kevin and me specifically, and surrender meaning she relinquished parental rights, pending any interaction with Mica's biological father.) 

Mica, Kevin and I will be appearing in court this Thursday to acknowledge the Surrender and to begin the ICPC  process, which allows us to take Mica from Illinois back to Michigan.

We thank you for your prayers for all paperwork to move expeditiously from and to whom it needs to flow, that IL and MI ICPC offices approve and pass on the paperwork quickly and that we get to go home sometime early next week.

I'm so excited to go home, hopefully SOON!  In the meantime I'll suffer through exploring the city with sweet baby Mica!  LOL!

Micah 7:7 (The Message)

 ⁷But me, I'm not giving up.
   I'm sticking around to see what God will do.
I'm waiting for God to make things right.
   I'm counting on God to listen to me. 

Lyrics from Upside Down by Jack Johnson:

Who's to say

What's impossible

Well they forgot

This world keeps spinning

And with each new day

I can feel a change in everything

And as the surface breaks reflections fade

But in some ways they remain the same

And as my mind begins to spread its wings

There's no stopping curiosity

I want to turn the whole thing upside down

I'll find the things they say just can't be found

I'll share this love I find with everyone

We'll sing and dance to Mother Nature's songs

I don't want this feeling to go away

Blessings to you all.

In love,

Deanna

God of this City

My cousin Dana is in Pattaya Thailand, and here is her blog named "Beautiful Feet."  

Today she writes about this song:

You’re the God of this city 
You’re the King of these people 
You’re the Lord of this nation 
You are 

You’re the Light in this darkness 
You’re the Hope to the hopeless 
You’re the Peace to the restless 
You are 

There is no one like our God 
There is no one like our God 

For greater things have yet to come 
And greater things are still to be done in this city 
Greater thing have yet to come 
And greater things are still to be done in this city

Inspiring.  

Waiting is the Hardest Part

We are so blessed to share Russ and Alessandra's apartment here in Chicago!  This neighborhood is awesome and walkable.  The apartment is cozy.  Russ' cooking is fabulous.  We are enjoying the little (but big) things in life: laughing at Mica's silly faces, making Play-Doh hotdogs with M.  Living in the present.  And we will be taking a trip to Trader Joe's in a few minutes with TWO children!

We still have no idea how long we will be in Illinois.  Mica's biological dad is considering whether or not he is supportive of the adoption plan.  So we wait.  Yet we fully embrace the present.  We pray for him.  We pray for Mica.  We pray for M and her comprehension of a thing as tough to "get" as this!

We give it up to God over...and over...and over.  Which most of the time isn't hard to do with a joyful four-year-old and a cuddle-bug eight-day-old.

Kevin arrived here last evening and will head back home on Monday.  So my world is even more complete with him here.  I breathe a little easier with my partner close by.

When I feel afraid, want to pull-in and protect, I breathe (sometimes cry) and sing this song:

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord

We will wait upon the Lord

We will wait upon the Lord

Our God, You reign forever

Our hope, our Strong Deliverer

You are the everlasting God

The everlasting God

You do not faint

You won't grow weary

  

You're the defender of the weak

You comfort those in need

You lift us up on wings like eagles

We thank you, dear friends and family, for your prayers of support, your emails, texts, thoughts, Facebook posts, likes, cards and much more!  Knowing you care and support us makes this dichotomous situation more manageable.  We love you all and are so blessed to be a part of an amazing community.  Thank you.

Thanksgiving

We are enjoying our time in Chicago!

It is wonderful and comfortable to be at Russ and Alessandra's apartment.  My mom and M arrived on the train today and are staying for 11 days.  Kevin  will be arriving on Friday to stay the weekend.  My dad will arriving via train next week.

Mica is simply splendid.  Little cuddle bug, eating lots, opening his eyes more and more.  The cutest little sideways yawns you've ever seen.

Nichole is doing as well as can be expected, I think.  My emails with pictures and little stories aren't getting to her, so I'm working on setting up an alternative method for us to digitally communicate frequently.  I miss her a lot.  She says she takes comfort in knowing how well Mica is doing.

After eleven days apart, M and I had lots of quality time today touching, hugging and kissing...and dancing, spinning and singing.  My mom cuddled with Mica for hours on end, caressing, loving, praying.

We have heard hopeful news that our case workers and lawyers plan to finalize the adoption in Illinois within the next two weeks and then we wait for the ICPC paperwork to clear both IL and MI.

And in the meantime, we get to enjoy splendid time together in THANKSGIVING!