Three Matches....No Baby...Yet

This adoption process is not for the faint of heart.

Persevering through this is a marathon.  Muscles burning, expending all energy for just one more step.  The next moment almost flying through the air.  These are mountainous peaks and valleys.

Most adoptive families experience more than one match before a permanent placement and finalized adoption. We are zero for three.  "Match" describes a wide range of situations, from a mom choosing an adoptive family but never meeting, to developing a close, multi-month relationship of going to doctor visits, planning names and bonding.  We have not met any of the moms that have chosen our family in any of our three matches. 

First, we were matched September 2010 with a mom that was making an adoption plan for her one year old and her three year old.  A family member of the mom chose to adopt her children.

In June 2011 we were chosen by a mom who was using Michigan's safe delivery law to relinquish her child to protect herself and her baby from an abusive partner.  Horrifically IMHO, the hospital chose another family for this baby with no input from the mom.  Nor was she allowed to send a love letter with her child as s/he began life with his/her new family.

Two days ago we were matched with/chosen by a mom and dad in Florida whose baby is due in January.  We were asked to fly to Florida this weekend to meet with the couple. They need money now to get the mom out of homelessness. Can you say red flag? This situation, for many reasons, does not work for us. How did we say no to this baby?  How?  Simply. Heart. Wrenching. 

Should we have chosen differently?  I don't know.  Should we have said yes?  Flown half way across the US?  I have no idea.  My brain hemispheres speak different languages; One side screaming a different message than the other, peaceful, quiet side.

We will continue to wait...and live fully.  Embracing the present.  We grow stronger.

I have never felt God's presence, guidance, love, and comfort like this.  Surely God is "one crafty mother" (as Anne Lamott writes.)  Yet confusion is sneaky.  Only strong marriages can survive this, I'm sure.  Steadfast friendships help immeasurably.

Dear friends of ours, that have been waiting to adopt since last summer as well, are bringing their bundle of joy home today; they were matched two days ago.  We rejoice with them beyond word expression.  Yet as my knees slammed into the 125-year-old wood floor of our kitchen, I wept.  I wept with immeasurable joy for our dear friends; happy tears.  I wept in pain; momentarily afraid it will never happen for us.  The dichotomy of pain and joy.

I've never been more sure that our pain pales in comparison to the experience of a mother/father making an adoption plan.  Not that different pain can be measured by placement on a scale.

I have never felt as peaceful.  I'm sure that there is a baby for us.  I can't wait to fold the little soul close to my chest in a baby wrap. 

I'm praying for the mothers in all of the situations mentioned above.  I'm praying for the mom considering an adoption plan that will choose us...someday.

I'm pretty sure I might be certifiably insane.  Or I'm just your typical, special, soon-to-be adoptive mom.  Maybe wearing an Elvis costume through this marathon would help?